July 17, 2023
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Bone Density Test in the Middle of a Pandemic
By Bree Rolfe
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Bone Density Test in the Middle of a Pandemic
By Bree Rolfe
You ate your last chocolate calcium chew,
and realized you’d have to buy your own
supplements now. They wouldn’t just magically
appear on your doorstep with an insistent note:
you’re little like me; you need to take these.
But you always forget, or you don’t want
to spend the money, or you’re too lazy
to take them even though they taste like candy.
When we are born, we have a hundred
more bones than when we die:
Babies have fontanelles, which ossify
and turn into more solid structures,
that can withstand a few roller-skating
wipeouts or even a baseball or two to the head.
At Austin radiology, the women puts a box
beneath your legs and as you lie down
and stare at the ceiling. You are grateful
to take this test and be able to sit in a dimly
lit room with another human making small talk.
It’s strange to give this test to someone so young.
You tell her you have CF and she moves
even further away from you.
Your doctor calls with the results
and says, you’re totally going
to be one of those old ladies who breaks
a hip and ends up in a wheelchair.
Do your exercises. Take your supplements.
There are so many ways to end
up in a wheelchair but this one feels
like a failure—all you can hear
is your mother’s voice saying
I told you so, and you know
she was right and you're
incapable of doing anything
anything without her nagging.
You can't just will your bones
back to their original thickness
with regret. They don't hold off
on hollowing out even if you're alone.
The damage is already done.
Your bones don’t care
that your mother is dead.
Bree A. Rolfe
Bree A. Rolfe is a writer, union organizer, and McKinney-Vento liaison in Austin, TX. She lives with five cats and Cystic Fibrosis both of which bring her much joy and frustration. Her first chapbook Who’s Going to Love the Dying Girl was released in September of 2021 by Unsolicited Press.
Image Description: Bree Rolfe, who has silver and black hair and a tattoo that says dad in tribute to her father, poses in front of her bookshelf in Austin, Texas, wearing a black tank top.