March 21, 2022
Audio
Tethered
By Jason Irwin
View full text below.
Tethered
By Jason Irwin
I
December, a few weeks before Christmas
and I’m in the hospital again.
Another round of doctors, nurses,
and interns with ballpoint pens and endless questions.
X-rays and scans; stiff sheets, piss bottles
and little plastic cups of ginger ale.
Another week out of school;
another surgery. But this time is different:
my club foot will be amputated.
The doctors assure me I will be better off
in the long run. Yet I am sick and tired
of hospitals, of surgery, of checking my blood
pressure and temperature,
the beeping of IV machines.
Outside snowflakes fall like a million Eucharists
and on the far wall Jesus hangs on his cross like a kite.
I lie awake tracing the scars that crisscross my body
as shadows flood the room. I imagine my blood
draining, spilling out in majestic rivulets of crimson.
II
In the morning they lay me on a table
and wheel me to a room cold as chrome,
where giant parrots, dressed as doctors, perch –
their green wings shining like knife blades
in the halogen radiance.
I die that day – vancomycin, cardiac arrest – but wake
as if only seconds have passed, my club foot still attached.
Everyone is gathered around as if in vigil,
eager for news about that place their faith
assures them I have traveled to.
But there was no light at the end of the tunnel,
no seraphim or long-dead relatives
to deliver me to the bosom of Abraham.
I was not Christ, risen in glory. I was just one sick child,
among many sick children tethered to this world.
Jason Irwin
Jason Irwin is the author of the three full-length poetry collections, most recently The History of Our Vagrancies (Main Street Rag, 2020), and two chapbooks. His awards include the Transcontinental Poetry Award for a first book and the Slipstream Chapbook Prize. He has also had nonfiction published in various journals including the Santa Ana Review, & The Catholic Worker. Recent projects include a memoir in-progress, and the Pittsburgh Live/Ability Project in conjunction with City of Asylum. He grew up in Dunkirk, NY & now lives in Pittsburgh. Follow him on Facebook and his blog.
Image Description: Jason Irwin’s head and shoulders sitting in front of a wall of photographs, taken by his wife Jen Ashburn. There are photos of Irwin’s family members and friends, heroes like Dylan Thomas, Dorothy Day, Emiliano Zapatta and Albert Camus, as well as one of two otters kissing. In this photo, he looks serious.